Recently I've been thinking a lot about what it means to have and cultivate courage. That is for me to face my fears, the unknown and deal with feelings like loliness and inadequacy. This week as I mould and slide myself into different yoga asanas I've been inviting what's cloistered in my mind and soul, and the forces of God, to come on down to the mat. I want to face these sad things not in the way that they've been--- creeping up to me as I attempt to fall asleep, a pool of tears on my pillows but in a constructive and awake way.

So much of what we do in life, the success of wyhat we do, is about perception and attitude. My heart breaks, already as I think of that last hug I'll give Mickey before heading onto the first of three or four so airplanes on the way back to Australia. Then I try to remember the grandest of opportunities, that I fought and mortgaged a good 20 years or so with the American government for: the chance to come to Australia, work on my masters degree, work with some of the lovliest students one could hope to meet---and God willing--file permanent residency and stay at least two years more teaching and...oh God please bond with... .

I am grateful to have even made it this far, my second year of life in Australia and now need to focus on the goals, the motivation for those goals and work hard.

Calorie count to follow tomorrow

No calorie count today! I went to bed at four AM woke up at eight, my sustained energy is surprising.  No I haven't gone lazy or fallen off the wagon (that much) but I am at my brother's house watching my nieces. Today was one of their baby cousin's birthdays so I found myself haphazardly trampling about around with other hyper little kids at 'Chuck E Cheese.' I wonder if I can count that as a workout? I keep meaning to mention it, but have yet to: I am going to Florida tomorrow! For six days it's going to be all about Disneyworld and other assorted theme parks. I am excited from every angle except that of expected food consumption. I am nervous...oh am I nervous...because the food there is all so rich and so good. To highten matters my Mom has us on a Disney resort designed food plan which includes with three meals a day breakfast, two snacks, dinner and an apetiser. I don't want to gorge myself and yet I hate wasting food. This is going to be a very delicate balance...at some points I am sure will erk my Mom.

When it comes to matters of weight and exercise I am feeling a bit down. Without remembering that I am menstruating, I got on the scale and saw that I had neither gained nor lost weight. I am still a little upset by this, but that was  a silly thing to do. I'll be walking approximately six to seven hours a day, if I play my cards right I could be burning calories with a 'biggest loser' type velocity...but if I indulge...I might not even break even.

Here's to wishing myself the best of luck.

Blessing of the Day: to vacation!

I am not going to even think of stepping on a scale until Saturday, but something a magical is brewing in my chemistry, with my metabolism...my pants won't fit, they just keep falling off (for which the world is grateful that I do yoga in the privacy of home!) I did a tape measure of my waist two days ago and what did I find that but in the space of about a month I've lost four-five inches! I am curious as to whether the scale will reflect this or not.

Working out and paying careful attention to what I eat certainly is reaping the rewards yet I think Yoga should be given substantial credit. If we want to mention magic...Yoga is it. I began flirting with Yoga long ago (or long ago according to a twenty six year old) when I was still in high school but did not have the willpower, or some might say courage, to take up regular practise then.

I do now and I can't believe the impact. Asanas not thought of as  possible even weeks prior become possible with increased strength and determination and I contunuely find that I am surprised by how deeply--spiritually and physically--I can immerse myself in my practise. As someone who has suffered with a minor, but life long and permanent leg disability this is just wonderful.

As my yoga practise is flourishing I am also recognising that instinctual voice, a little louder each day, that says I need to return to India. Maybe not for the six months I was afforded (praise God) as an undergraduate student but at least for three weeks.When the heart is calling, I believe that is the will and voice of God and what would you know the other day I get a chat invite from my long time friend Pooja who wants me to come to her wedding in Uttar Pradesh in November. All I need to do is get myself there, shelter and food come free.

My God I think I am going to India later this year!  Nothing can be one hundred percent certain as I have the massive burden of paying for school, permanent residency and life's other necessities but I am willing to work hard...please, please God just give me the opportunities to prove that so.

The tough times are coming up. Despite how good I feel during the day, at night attempting to sleep, as those final thoughts of the day drift about I am starting to feel absolutely heartbroken sobbing. I don't want to leave my family, I don't want to leave Mickey and return to Australia (in my mind.) That is terrible to write but it's true...at least at this moment. I haven't forgotten the stress of trying to get assignments done, trying to find and then go to work, the intense loliness as I realised many of my  peers living at the hall were (personality wise) empty shells. Right now I need to let this out so it doesn't own me.

I started a remodeling my life a month ago and have no plans to stop---only grow an strengthen so I am facing the emotions mentioned above with courage and tenacity.

Blessing of the Day: Thank you for that glorious sunshine!

Shame on me, I didn't eat all that differently today than yesterday but somehow after doing today's calorie count I feel confident that it will be alright; after all I did do an hour of amazing Kundalini Yoga and jogged/walked for thirty five minutes. Tomorrow it's back to the gym and I hope, hope, that I have the motivation to do both an hour of yoga and pilates tomorrow morning.

I had a bit of Kundalini yoga experience before, but today I did my first full on workout. Wow, I knew that Kundalini practise would awaken my centres of energy (chakras) and might be a bit intense but I was amazed by just how much heat my session seemed to create. My feet, which are usually not a problem, started to feel heavy and soon enough I felt as though I had walked into a room at least ten degrees hotter than the one from which I had come, funny thing: I didn't sweat and didn't feel to overly challenged physically.

The meditation session of today's program was absolutely brilliant---some of the best and most meaningful meditation I've experienced in a long time...maybe I was just 'in the zone' but I hope to have more sessions like today's in the future.

Blessing of the Day: Whether I like it not, thank you for that new TV!

Wow Yoga was glorious this morning! I did a longer routine with a different mix of asanas than I had done the previous morning and it made all the difference. The brillant golden  sunshine coming through the windows was another bonus. I feel great but my goodness my abs and obliques are killing me! I did do a cardio routine yesterday but had to go light because of this too. If I am wise I am going to go slow until weekend to give my body a bit of time to heal.

Blessing of the Day: Thank you for Friday breaks from cooking.